A Healthy Lifestyle is lost due to an unavoidable shock | RIP

A Healthy Lifestyle - goes out of the window

Just when you think you are getting your life together. My nan (who was like a mother to me) has a severe stroke. I spend 7 nights and days in the hospital with her, sleeping next to her. Comforting her as she comes nearer to her end. I am gutted. The Leeds General Infirmary have a Costa downstairs. I can't stop eating - paninis, toasties, muffins. I am devastated. Her loss leaves a gaping big hole which throws everything out of the window for me. I can't think of trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle at this time - even though this is probably the time it would be most beneficial to me.

Creative Writing - an escape

I wrote this poem in memory of my beloved Nannee. The pain was and at times still is excruciating. But somehow writing this poem gave me someplace to escape with her. I used creative writing in the therapeutic process. My weight loss journey is on hold. I just want to cry, and I do. She has left a big empty space in my life. Numbness is all I feel. How am I going to fill it? I need some comfort and I can feel the pull of wanting to go off the rails. Death doesn't escape anyone. It's an unavoidable - yet why does it hurt so much? Why do I feel so lost without her?

Letting Go

When that news came.

I asked you if you were ready.

Is that what you wanted? Did you want to?

To leave? To Go?

Despite that stroke. You shook your head.

My eyes wide open with disbelief.

And it’s then. I made that promise.

That I wouldn’t let you. Let you go.

For seven nights I lay beside you.

On a chair. Next a camp bed.

Holding your hand. Falling asleep. Staying close.

Keeping my promise. Not letting you go. Never.

Then came that time. When I just knew.

I got up to leave. Packed my things. I said goodbye.

I even asked your permission. Remember?

I’m Sorry. I’m breaking my promise. Please can I go?

I drove back crying. Stepping into my home.

My eyes reaching out to the stars in the sky.

I could feel you. Briefly. You were here.

Close. Nearby. That’s when I knew.

With Grace, you were now free to fly.

You also had now gone.

Gone Peacefully.

Gone home too.

Yasmin In memory of my beloved Nanne Ms Begum